Tuesday, August 18, 2015

WWE Raw Report

Stephanie McMahon and Triple H begin the show.  Steph compares Summerslam being 6 days away to Christmas Morning just before the gifts are opened.  They remind us of the four hour runtime this year and Summerslam card, starting with Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar and moving down the line-up while also announcing matches for tonight like Luke Harper vs. Roman Reigns and WWE Diva’s Champion Nikki Bella against NXT Women’s Champion Sasha Banks.  Stephanie goes on to announce that former Daily Show host, Jon Stewart will be hosting Summerslam this weekend!  Randy Orton’s music cues up and signifies the opening tag team match before going to commercial in his entrance.
Randy Orton & Cesaro vs. Sheamus & Kevin Owens
During the rest of the entrances, Michael Cole makes it official by saying ESPN will be covering Summerslam LIVE with a familiar face there…Jonathan Coachman.  The match begins with Kevin Owens and Cesaro circling each other.  Owens, like the coward he is, tags out immediately…forcing the fans to wait until Summerslam for their encounter.  Cesaro decides to tag out to Orton as well.  Sheamus begins to play to the crowd’s “You Look Stupid!” chants and, like his partner, avoid his Summerslam opponent.  Owens is tagged in once Orton gets the better of the first exchange and Kevin prevents Cesaro from being tagged in with a cheap shot.  Orton bounces back and Cesaro finally gets his hands on Owens, landing a Stalling Suplex and an impressive Springboard European Uppercut that sends Owens outside.


We return from a break to see the heels firmly in control and Sheamus pummeling Orton.  Cesaro finally gets the hot tag and starts the “Uppercut Train” as JBL puts it.  The Swiss Superman goes for the Cesaro Swing, but Sheamus gets to the ropes and gets clocked by Cesaro with an Uppercut when coming off the top rope for a Shoulderblock.  Cesaro and KO knock each other off the apron, hits his DDT and hits the RKO on Sheamus for the win.
Winners – Cesaro & Randy Orton

We return from commercial to an Undertaker promo on Brock Lesnar for Summerslam.  He says, “The gates of Hell are opening and welcoming you to your eternal damnation.”
Backstage, Seth Rollins is confirming the details for the Title vs. Title contract for he and Cena to sign later tonight.  Triple H and Stephanie laughingly accept a subtle proposal by Seth to have a statue of his likeness made to stand among the other WWE Legends “when” he brings home two championships from Summerslam.  Roman Reigns’ music kicks up and we see him coming through the crowd per usual.
Roman Reigns vs. Luke Harper
Both men bring their ‘family member’ down for back-up.  Dean Ambrose is on commentary while Bray Wyatt steals Byron Saxton’s chair for the third week straight (however, Dean gives it to him this time…telling him to stay in it this time as opposed to getting involved in the match like he did this past Thursday on Smackdown.)  Luke Harper gets the better of Roman in the opening exchange while Dean accurately compares the Wyatt vs. Shield feud to the Hatfields vs. McCoys.  Roman fights back and is able to clothesline Harper over the top rope and hit his Apron Dropkick to the face.  Luke Harper regains control and rocks Reigns with a Michinoku Driver for the first two-count of the match.  Reigns fights his way up, but gets clocked by Harper’s patented Big Boot for another two-count.  Harper proceeds to do his Gator Roll and put in a fourth Rear Chinlock.
Reigns struggles up and hits three clotheslines followed by a Tazplex.  Roman then hits Harper with several clotheslines in the corner (similar to Delirious and his Never-Ending Story.)  They both spill outside from the apron and both seem to be spent.  Back in the ring, Harper hits a Superkick to the gut, but Reigns is able to float over Luke for a Sunset Flip and eventually toss Luke to the outside.  Another clothesline by Reigns earns another two-count for Reigns.  Roman hoists Luke on his shoulders, and gets hit with a Samoan Drop while Luke tries furiously to elbow out of it.  Roman sets up for the Superman Punch, but Luke rolls out of the ring only to hit a Superkick on the curious Roman who follows him outside.  Harper gets rocked by the Superman Punch as Luke Harper goes for the dive.  Another Superkick leads to a Sitdown Powerbomb by Luke on Roman for a close two-count.  Reigns is able to get to his feet and hit another Superman Punch and Spear for the winning three-count!

Tamina vs. Becky Lynch
Tamina starts with a cheap kick to Becky’s mid-section and just overpowers her at every turn.  The Lass Kicker doesn’t back down though and shows no fear.  Swinging Uranage for a two-count by Tamina after catching Becky on a Flying Cross Body attempt.  Becky fights back with a few kicks out of the corner and an elevated kick to lead into a Missile Dropkick for a close false finish on Tamina.  Tamina goes for the Swinging Unanage again, which proves to be a bad choice as Lynch holds on and rolls Tamina up into the Disarmer (her Armbar finisher) for the win!
Winner – Becky Lynch
We return from commercial to see Lana on commentary and a flashback to Smackdown’s Diva fight between Summer Rae and Lana.
Rusev vs. Mark Henry
Mark and Rusev are dumped outside almost immediately and is manhandled by Henry, even when they get back in the ring with two big powerslams.  Luring him outside again, Rusev takes over the match and tosses Henry into the post twice before rolling him back into the ring and screaming at Lana.  He then lets out a primal roar and  kicks Henry in the face very hard before struggling a bit and locking in the Accolade (Camel Clutch) for the win.
Winner – Rusev
Lana then gets back in the ring, tosses off her heels and calls out Summer Rae.  Summer obliges with Rusev on the apron.  Lana lands a HUGE slap to the face and shuts Summer right up before calling for Rusev to come in.  The fans call for Dolph Ziggler’s big return and Ziggler comes bolting down to the ring…promptly DDT’ing Rusev.  Before the brawl can continue, Rusev uses Summer as a shield.  This gives Lana enough time to kick Summer in the face and Dolph to do the same, getting a measure of revenge on Rusev for putting her in the Accolade last week on RAW.

We return to see Ziggler and Lana celebrating Dolph’s big return backstage and interviewed briefly by JoJo.  This leads into the Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar promo video that has been played over and over.
Ryback vs. The Miz
Big Show is on commentary promoting his new movie that stars both he and Dean Cain.  Ryback dominates most of the match in the early going as Miz tries to take out the tree trunk-sized legs of Ryback to slow him down.   Ryback hits a monumental Military Press Slam and hits a Meat Hook Clothesline.  He then catches Miz from the top rope and turns it into a Suplex that leads to the Shell Shock finisher for the Ryback win.
Winner – Ryback
The Intercontinental Champion calls for Big Show to get in the ring because he’s still hungry.  Big Show denies his challenge and simply walks to the back with a very nonchalant attitude.
The contract signing is underway with Triple H and Stephanie McMahon in the ring along with a covered table that is more doomed than any cake or jobber that’s ever been in a wrestling ring.  Rollins is introduced first as he congratulates (sucks up to) The Authority by saying this is the strongest Summerslam card of all-time.  Seth quotes Bob Dylan and his iconic song, “The Times Are A Changing” as well…trying to drop as many names as possible in this speech.  He says he is the one who started the process of John Cena’s retirement with his nose-breaking knee to the face of Cena just a few weeks ago on RAW.
Seth goes on for several minutes before The United States Heavyweight Champion, John Cena interrupts him with his now iconic music.  Cena gives the expected rebuttal, arguing Seth does not need to be like anyone else because he has his own identity and was hand-selected by Triple H to usher in the future.  Cena goes on to mention the possibility of him tying the great Ric Flair and become the 2nd ever 16-time World Heavyweight Champion.  He then compares the relationships, saying that Triple H was never Ric Flair’s bitch and promising that he will back Rollins his bitch in the end at Summerslam.  Rollins seems rather worried as we are thrown to commercial…

The New Day & Los Matadores vs. Lucha Dragons & Prime Time Players
 Pretty high paced match-up that sees some tweener activity from Los Matadores.  Titus O’Neil is tagged in at one point and cleans house pretty easily and quickly.  Backstabber from Diego on Titus while El Torito and Xavier Woods go at it on the outside for some reason.  Kalisto is tagged in and hits an impressive Huricanrana for the win!
Winners – Lucha Dragons & Prime Time Players
A recap is shown of how Neville & Stephen Amell vs. King Barrett and Stardust was set-up last week on RAW in a comic-book style promo followed by a live promo by Stardust and King Barrett.  The King proclaims that Amell has unlawfully invaded “His Kingdom” and is not welcomed.  Stardust then goes on a rant about The Green Arrow too.
Nikki Bella vs. Sasha Banks
Both teams are at ringside for moral support.  Nikki shows off a bit in the early going jumping jacks and push-ups ala Scott Steiner, but is soon shown up by Sasha’s technical talents.  Slingshot Suplex by Nikki earns the first close fall in this bout.  Sasha seems to be very feisty by kicking out at one after a Snap Suplex by Nikki.  Sasha is able to hit her patented Double Knee Attack to Nikki in the corner before mocking her with some push-ups of her own.  Sasha gets cocky and rushes into the corner to attack Nikki, but is denied twice with a couple of elbows to the face.  Alabama Slam by Nikki for a close two-count.  Banks recovers and is able to hit a William Regal-like Spinning Neckbreaker for a two-count of her own.  Great counter from a roll-up by Nikki into an Electric Chair Drop while the annoying crowd chants, “WE WANT LESNAR” in a very disrespectful tone.  Sasha was set-up for Rack Attack until Naomi distracts the referee long enough for Sasha to lock in the Bank Statement for the surprise Submission victory for Team B.A.D.
Winner – Sasha Banks
Backstage, Team PCB cuts a promo on the two teams on TV at the moment…calling them both the losing teams after Summerslam.  One final Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker promo is shown before we get to see the face-to-face of the two mega stars.
 Paul Heyman does his normal shtick with a few changes for the local crowd, mentioning Brock’s accomplishments at the University of Minnesota before bringing out the Mayor of Suplex City himself to a GIGANTIC ovation!  Paul Heyman even so far as to break into song, doing a parody of “The Saints Go Marching On” with Lesnar themed lyrics…which is interrupted by THE GONG.  The lights go out and suddenly Paul Heyman is seemingly gone, but soon reveals it was a joke played on the fans.  Heyman goes on to say Undertaker could get God and The Devil to team up with him and still would not have a chance against Brock Lesnar.  Undertaker’s gong finally goes off and it’s real!  Undertaker is in the ring and hits an uncharacteristic Low Blow to Lesnar as the lights come back on.  He then plants Lesnar with a Chokeslam, looking more determined than ever to win a match.  He calls for the Tombstone as Lesnar staggers to his feet, dropping him right on his neck and leaving him for dead in the middle of the ring.  The ominous blue lights cut on and ‘Taker does his pose with the tongue out to a big chorus of boos from the crowd.

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