Tuesday, July 29, 2014

7/28 WWE Raw Report

We are in Houston, Texas and your announcers are John ‘Enron’ Layfield, Jerry ‘Bad News Bears in Breaking Training’ Lawler, and Michael ‘Home to two Wrestlemanias’ Cole.
John Cena makes his way to the ring to talk about his opponent at SummerSlam.
John mentions the lively bunch in Houston, even though he is not very lively. John says that normally he would share in your enthusiasm. Last week, it was revealed to himself and the world that Plan C, what he hoped would never happen is happening. Brock Lesnar. He is a marked man by the Authority. They want the WWE Title off his neck so bad, they have hired a mercenary.
John says that his opponent at SummerSlam is ‘The’ Brock Lesnar. Paul talked to the WWE Universe. The WWE Universe may want to see Brock Lesnar beat the hell out of him. John says that he is certainly not deaf and he knows who his opponent is.
Brock Lesnar is the most devastating force in the WWE. His force is seismic. He destroys who he wants, when he wants. Forty men have been able to say that they were champion. One beast has defeated the streak. He faces that Beast at SummerSlam. Paul told the truth. John says that he will take the beating of his life. John says that he will not lay down. He will fight. He is going to SummerSlam to beat Brock Lesnar, just like he did in 2012.
For those who cheer and for those who boo, the Authority and the people do not realize what will happen if Brock Lesnar becomes champion. Brock is a mercenary and a hired gun. He fights when he wants. Who can stop Brock?
Paul Heyman comes out and he introduces himself. Paul says at SummerSlam, his client Brock Lesnar will conquer John Cena and take away from him the WWE Championship. Paul says that it is courageous of John to realize the beating that he will take, but he does not understand that those are mighty big words by a man who will be turned into a victim.
Paul asks if he knows what it is like to be victimized? He has suffered defeat but rose to the occasion. Paul says that John has exacted revenge. John has never been victimized. He tells John to ask the Undertaker. You can’t ask the Undertaker because no one has seen or heard from the Undertaker since Wrestlemania.
John wants to defend his title and survive at SummerSlam. Paul says that Brock is looking to conquer John. His client is marching forward and is on the offensive. Brock will not only F-5 John Cena and pin him, Brock will victimize John Cena. Paul says that John loves representing everyone, even the ones who say that he sucks.
The only thing that Brock Lesnar is passionate about is the glee he gets when he beats his victim. John will realize when he wakes up from his beating that he is no longer the champion. John will be beaten, victimized, and conquered.
John says that he is sick of Paul’s crap and he wants to talk real to Paul.
John says that Paul can understand passion. The people chant E-C-W and Paul gets a smile on his face. They both share this passion. John says that this is his friggin’ life. He shows up on time and he works his ass off and he shows it. He has passion for the title. That 300 poundgorilla that he tows around whenever he wants to show up has no passion. He is big, he is strong, and he is a super athlete. The thing that separates him is heart.
Brock will have to beat every breath out of his body because he will walk out of SummerSlam with the title.
Cesaro’s music plays and he hugs Paul Heyman.
Cesaro says that even though he has gone his separate ways from Paul Heyman, he will not let John Cena say that about him. He calls John a muscled up walking billboard, not a wrestler. He tells John that you cannot wrestle in sneakers. Cesaro tells John that he cannot wrestle. Cesaro challenges Cena to a match.
Paul says that everyone gets a bonus in an impromptu match.
John says that he looks forward to wrestling circles around Cesaro tonight.
We go to commercial.
Match Number One: John Cena versus Cesaro in a Non Title Match
Cesaro circles Cena and they go for a Greco Roman knuckle lock. Cesaro with the advantage but Cena gets to his feet. Cesaro with a kick but Cena with a snap mare. Cena with a side head lock. Cena blocks a hip toss and Cena with a monkey flip followed by a side head lock take down. Cesaro backs Cena into the ropes and Cesaro with a side head lock and take down.
Cena goes for a leap frog but Cesaro catches him and hits a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Cesaro punches Cena and then he punches and kicks him in the corner. Cena escapes a slam and he hits a rana and gets a near fall. Cena punches Cesaro and then he runs into an elbow from Cesaro. Cena and Cesaro go to the apron and Cesaro with a double stomp to Cena’s chest.
Cesaro and Cena exchange punches but Cesaro with a shoulder that knocks Cena to the floor. Cena gets back into the ring and he takes Cesaro down and punches Cesaro in the corner. Cena with an Irish whip and he tries for the bulldog but Cesaro pushes Cena away.
Cesaro with an arm bar and punches as we go to commercial.
We are back and Cena with two flying shoulder tackles and then he tries for the Blue Thunder Bomb but Cesaro counters with a DDT and he gets a near fall. Cesaro tells Cena he can’t see him and Cesaro sets for the Giant Swing but he takes too long and Cena with a sunset flip. Cena floats over into a Baldo Bomb and he gets a near fall.
Cena goes up top but Cesaro hits the ropes and Cena falls to the apron. Cesaro with a boot to the head and then he goes for the gorilla superplex on Cena and he hits it and gets a near fall. Cesaro gets another near fall. Cena goes to the turnbuckles and he tries for a tornado DDT, but Cesaro counters and gives Cena the Giant Swing. Cesaro with a Scorpion Death Lock using the arms but Cena escapes and tries for an STF.
Cena with the Blue Thunder Bomb followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena gets Cesaro up for the Attitude Adjustment and Cesaro grabs the ropes. Cena goes to the turnbuckles and Cesaro with head butts. Cesaro waits for Cena to get up and he hits a cross body but Cena rolls through and he picks up Cesaro and hits the Attitude Adjustment but Cesaro lands on his feet. Cesaro with the pop up European uppercut for a near fall.
Cesaro sets for the Gotch Style Neutralizer but Cena counters with a back body drop but Cesaro lands on his feet. Cesaro with a boot to the head and Cena with a kick. Cesaro with another boot to the head. Cesaro goes up top again and Cena stops him. Cena with a Super Attitude Adjustment for the three count.
Winner: John Cena
Stephanie McMahon is in her office and she says that she has second thoughts. It is a bit different. She says that she cannot go back there. She cannot bear the look in her daughters’ eyes at the disappointment in their mother. Stephanie says that she will never get that smell out of her nose. She says this had better work.
Hunter tells her it will work.
Randy says that they need to talk. He wants to know that the original plan was him versus John Cena at SummerSlam. So Roman Reigns interrupts and Brock Lesnar gets the match. Randy wants to be given his match with Cena at SummerSlam.
Hunter says that he can change the match, but he is not going to do that. As long as Roman Reigns is in the picture, he won’t get a title match. Roman will screw up all of those title matches. To get a title match, he needs to finish off Roman Reigns.
Orton says that he will finish off Reigns tonight, but Hunter tells Orton that Kane is facing Reigns.
Orton says that he has a problem with Kane, Reigns, . . . and Hunter.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Paige skips to the ring and she has something to say.
We see what she did last week.
Paige says that she wants to set the record straight. She is young and she lets her emotions get the best of her. She still thinks that AJ is her best friend in the whole world. What she did was deplorable. She was not thinking of AJ as her friend, she thought of AJ as the person who took her title. Paige vows that she will never act like that again.
AJ’s music plays and she skips to the ring.
AJ tells Paige that she is a casper looking crumpet. She asks if anyone is buying this.
Paige interrupts and AJ tells Paige that she is not done. She gets why Paige is mad. She knows what it is like to have a title you worked for your entire life and have it taken away. If you want to be like AJ and skip around, be like her. She doesn’t play little girl games. She doesn’t smile in front of someone and whisper behind her back. If she doesn’t like you, she is going to say it to her face . . . like a real woman.
Paige says that she is AJ’s friend and if she doesn’t believe that AJ must be crazy.
AJ heard those five letters and wanted to know what Paige said.
Paige says that she would never make fun of AJ’s mental health. Paige tells AJ to calm down.
AJ says that she gets it and it was a mistake. AJ says that it happens to all of us. Even those who are a little off their rockers.
AJ attacks Paige and she throws Paige to the floor. AJ runs Paige into the ringside barrier and then she tries to send Paige into the steps but Paige avoids them.
Paige wants to know why AJ has to be like that.
AJ puts the title belt in the center of the ring for Paige to take.
We go to commercial.
Triple H makes his way to the ring along with a Principal Owner and recent occupant of the Miami-Dade County Jail, Stephanie McMahon.
Hunter says that we have spent a lot of time together. We have laughed together, cried together. He has been proud of you, but he has also been disappointed by you. Hunter says that he was disappointed and angry by what you did last week. You laughed at his wife when she was arrested last week.
You found it funny that the mother of his children was handcuffed like a common criminal and be taken out of the arena. You laugh when she is taken out of this arena in a police cruiser?
Hunter says that he will never forgive you for that. Do you know what that did to his wife? Do you know how badly that hurt her? But you think it is funny.
All of that over a simple misunderstanding. Brie has antagonized his wife. Stephanie was defending herself. It was perfectly acceptable and understandable that his wife struck Brie Bella because she was asking for it. It was a simple misunderstanding. That is what they are here for. The reality of the situation is that the charges have been dropped, except for the assault and battery charge.
Brie refuses to let that go. We are here to try to reconcile that misunderstanding. Stephanie has asked Brie to come here tonight so they can put this whole ugly incident behind them.
Stephanie takes the mic and the crowd calls her a jailbird. She wants Brie to come out so they can get this over with.
Chris Jericho’s music plays and he comes to the stage.
Hunter tells Chris they are in the middle of something.
Chris apologizes for interrupting and he tells Stephanie how bad he feels about what happened to her last week. Chris wants to give his sympathies with a song. Chris sings Bad Boys and the crowd joins in.
Hunter laughs sarcastically and he asks Chris if he thinks this is funny.
Chris tells Stephanie that this is 2014 and Orange is the New Black. It is alright to be a jailbird these days. This is the reason why the WWE Network was made. It is so we can see Stephanie taken out in handcuffs over and over and over and over.
Chris says that he has to give Hunter credit for standing by his little flower like a protector to make sure his wife is okay. Chris wonders why didn’t Hunter leave the arena with Stephanie when she was arrested. Why didn’t Hunter wait until 15 minutes after the show ended to check on his wife.
The reason is that Trips realized that Stephanie is nothing more than a filthy dirty, brutal bottom feeding trashbag ho.
Hunter tells Chris he should focus less on them and more on Bray Wyatt.
Chris says that is why he is out here. He is focused on Bray Wyatt. He wants Bray Wyatt in the ring tonight.
Hunter tells Chris he has to wait until SummerSlam to face Bray, but tonight . . .
Seth Rollins hits Jericho from behind with the briefcase and Hunter tells Chris that he will face Seth Rollins tonight.
John Layfield talks about how the people who reference Stephanie’s time in jail are disrespectful.
In case you missed John Cena at the start of Raw, we get some highlights.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Miz, Curtis Axel, and Ryback versus Dolph Ziggler, Jimmy Uso, and Jey Uso
Miz tells the referee to keep Ziggler back so he can take off his sunglasses but Ryback is tagged in and he punches Ziggler and hits a splash for a near fall. Axel tags in and he hits a drop kick for a near fall. Axel with a reverse chin lock. Axel misses a splash and Jey tags in and he punches Axel. Jey kicks Axel in the back of the leg and he flips over.
We see Woods, Big E, and Kofi in the back watching on the monitor.
Jey with a running butt splash followed by a baseball slide. Jimmy with a shoulder off the ringside barrier to Ryback. Miz stays away from Ziggler and we have a standoff as we go to commercial.
We are back and Miz tags in and he kicks Jimmy.
Woods, Kingston, and Big E are now at ringside blocking the view of the people on that side of the ring.
Miz with a reverse chin lock on Jimmy. Jimmy with elbows but Miz with a knee. Miz hits Ziggler and the referee keeps Ziggler on the apron. Ryback kicks Jimmy. Axel tags in and he chokes Jimmy. Axel with a running knee to the head and he gets a near fall. Miz tags in and he kicks and punches Jimmy. Jimmy with punches but Miz tries for the Reality Check but he only hits the first neckbreaker.
Jimmy with a kick and he tries to make the tag but Miz holds him. Ziggler and Ryback tag in and Ziggler with a drop kick and he hits a baseball slide on Axel before hitting a splash and neck breaker on Ryback. Ziggler with an elbow drop but he misses a Fameasser. Ziggler avoids a power slam and Ziggler tries for the sleeper but Ryback pushes him away.
Ziggler with a DDT for a near fall. Miz is sent to the floor. Jey with a plancha onto Axel. Miz drops Jimmy on the ropes and then Ziggler hits the Zig Zag on Ryback for the three count.
Winners: Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, and Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Ziggler has something to say to Miz but Miz puts on his sunglasses.
We go to commercial.

Before our next match, Bo tells Truth he can never be undefeated like him. He says that Truth has lost a lot of matches in his career. He knows that one day, R Truth will be victorious. All he has to do is BOLIEVE.
Match Number Three: R Truth versus Bo Dallas
Bo with a side head lock and shoulder tackles. Bo goes to the floor and he does a victory lap. He returns to the ring and Truth with a rollup for the three count.
Winner: R Truth
After the match, Bo is in shock at his loss. Bo shakes Truth’s hand and then he grabs the mic and he says that he cannot BOLIEVE that Truth was the first to beat him. Bo hits Truth with the mic and then he sends Truth into the corner. Bo with clotheslines in the corner and then he puts the ring skirt over Truth and he punches Truth. Bo with a double underhook DDT.
Bo does a victory lap (for his post match beatdown)
We take a look back at Chris Jericho falling victim to a sneak attack by Seth Rollins.
We go to commercial.
Rusev and Lana are in the ring and Rusev swings his Russian flag.
Lana speaks in Russian to start and then she says that your American flag is a statement that used to be to show supremacy over other nations. It has been on battlefields and even on the surface of the moon. Where is your Old Glory now? It is a faded banner for a ruined nation ruled by cowards who get fat on your apathy.
Russia continues to prove its might and is commanded by its fearless leader Vladimir Putin.
What does Obama do? He wags his finger and warns about peacekeeping options. Your President is a laughable leader. Now, let’s take a look at the fool you chose before Obama to rule this rotting empire.
They show a photo of George W. Bush on the TitanTron.
Jack Swagger’s music plays and Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger come to the stage.
Zeb calls her a blonde haired Bolshevik twit. He tells Lana and the trained bear to listen. He says that this is a real flag with 50 stars and 13 bars. There is no mistaking that this represents the United States. It represents a family sitting around the Thanksgiving table. It represents the thousands of people sitting around a television set watching football. It represents pick up trucks, pretty girls, and beer.
Zeb says that this represents the thousands of brave men and women who fought and died to protect their liberty and preserve their freedom. Every time you insult the Americans, it makes it easier for Real Americans to rise and say ‘We the People’.
Swagger runs to the ring and he attacks Rusev. Rusev runs Swagger into the ringside barrier a few times and then he throws him to the other side of the barrier. Rusev sends Swagger into the ring.
Lana gives the signal and he gets ready to apply the Accolade but Swagger counters and tries for the ankle lock but Rusev escapes. Swagger kicks Rusev off the apron and to the floor.
It is time for a flag standoff.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Damien Sandow comes out in an Astronaut suit and says Houston . . . we have a problem. Sandow says that there are thousands of problems in this arena. All he has found are dimwits, nitwits, and halfwits. Just like the Rosebuds.
Adam Rose has the mic and he calls Sandow a sour sour sour little spaceman. He says that it is about time he comes back down to Earth in Houston, Texas. He tells Sandow not to be a lemon . . . be a Rosebud.
Sandow says that nobody can hear you scream in space, what about on Earth?
Sandow hits Rose and Rose punches back.
Match Number Four: Damien Sandow versus Adam Rose
Rose gives Sandow the Party Foul for the three count.
Winner: Adam Rose
We are back and Alberto Del Rio is scheduled to wrestle Dean Ambrose on Main Event.
Orton attacks Reigns as he makes his way through the crowd. Reigns and Orton fight in the crowd and then Orton is sent over the ringside barrier. Reigns knocks Kane down and then Reigns sends Orton into the ring steps.
Reigns with a Samoan drop and then he hits a clothesline in the corner. Orton attacks Reigns from behind and Reigns with a Superman Punch to Orton. Kane with a choke slam to Reigns.
Kane looks at Orton and Orton looks at Kane. Kane leaves the ring.
Orton kicks Reigns and then he punches Reigns while he asks Reigns if he wants to steal from him. Orton with a boot to the midsection. Orton hangs Reigns across the middle ropes and then Orton kicks Reigns in the chest and then Orton pulls Reigns to the floor. Orton Irish whips Reigns into the ring steps. Orton sends Reigns into the other ring steps. Orton throws Reigns over the ringside barrier. Orton with an IEDDT from the ringside barrier.
Orton slams Reigns’ head into the ring steps. Orton rearranges the announce table, but before he shows Reigns what he did, Orton slams Reigns’ head into the ring steps a few more times. He yells at Reigns for costing him his title shot. Orton puts Reigns on the announce table and it is time for an RKO onto the announce table. Since the table did not break the first time, Orton gives Reigns a second one and the table breaks.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Roman Reigns is starting to move while officials and the medical staff check on him.
We see the damage done to the announce table.
Match Number Five: Fandango versus Diego (with El Torito, Summer Rae and Layla El)
Diego with a waist lock and Fandango with chops followed by an Irish whip and back body drop. Fandango with a knee drop. Diego with a chop but Fandango with a drop kick for a near fall. Fandango with a boot to Diego. Fandango with a suplex and he goes up top but Torito goes up on the opposite turnbuckle and Fandango goes to the mat. Diego with a springboard rollup for the three count.
Winner: Diego
After the match, Fandango gets on the apron and Torito gores Fandango off the apron.
Stephanie McMahon walks in the back and she knocks on the Divas Locker Room door and Nikki comes out. Stephanie says that she was looking for Brie and Nikki says that Brie will be here soon. Nikki says that Brie will be expressing herself.
Stephanie says that she hopes that Brie will understand. Nikki tells Stephanie that there are not many times when people like Stephanie get to eat a plate of crap and she hopes Stephanie likes the way it tastes.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Stardust says that they have been at this all day. He is working on the formula for the Cosmic Key. Stardust says that he knows how far away it is. Goldust says that he knows where the Cosmic Key is. Goldust asks Stardust if he sees that. Goldust writes something on the blackboard and it says ‘They Have It’. Goldust says that it will soon belong to Goldust . . . and Stardust.
Match Number Six: Naomi and Natalya versus Cameron and Alicia Fox
Natalya and Alicia start things off and Alicia with a side head lock. Alicia with a head scissors take down but Natalya with a snap mare and she runs across Alicia’s back and hits a drop kick for a near fall. Naomi tags in and she hits an atomic drop and then she goes after Cameron but she moves. Alicia with an elbow to Naomi.
Naomi goes to the apron and she kicks Alicia. Naomi with a splash off the apron onto Cameron. Alicia pulls Naomi off Cameron and Alicia with a scissors kick for a near fall. Cameron makes the tag and she snap mares Naomi by the hair. Cameron slams Naomi into the turnbuckles and she gets a near fall.
Cameron punches Naomi but Naomi with a sunset flip for a near fall and then she applies a body scissors and Cameron taps out.
Winners: Naomi and Natalya
It is time to run through the matches announced for SummerSlam.
Match Number Seven: Chris Jericho versus Seth Rollins
They lock up and Jericho punches Rollins and kicks him in the corner. Jericho with a chop but Rollins goes to the floor. Jericho follows and hits Rollins from behind and then he sends Rollins into the ringside barrier. Jericho with a chop but Rollins chops back. Jericho sends Rollins back into the ring but Rollins kicks Jericho off the apron and then Rollins goes for a suicide dive but Jericho punches Rollins.
Jericho with a suplex. Rollins kicks Jericho in the corner and then Rollins with an Irish whip but Jericho floats over and hits an enzuigiri for a near fall. Jericho chokes Rollins in the ropes and then he kicks Rollins in the midsection. Jericho with a kick but Rollins with a drop kick. Rollins kicks Jericho in the head.
Rollins goes for a drop kick but Jericho holds on to the ropes and Rollins lands on his feet. Rollins is sent to the apron and then Jericho with a springboard drop kick that knocks Rollins off the apron as we go to commercial.
We are back and Rollins with a chin lock. We see footage from the commercial break when Jericho was sent over the top rope to the floor and Rollins hit a suicide dive.
Jericho with elbows but Rollins pulls Jericho down by his hair. Rollins with a splash into the corner and he gets a near fall. Rollins taunts Jericho and then he bites Jericho. Rollins misses a splash and Jericho is sent to the apron and he goes up top for a chop. Jericho misses the bulldog and Rollins hits a wraparound clothesline for a near fall.
Rollins with head butts to Jericho and then he taunts Jericho. Jericho with chops followed by an Irish whip. Rollins with a flatline into the turnbuckles. Rollins goes up top but Jericho crotches him. Jericho punches Rollins and he tries for a superplex but Rollins blocks it. Rollins with a head butt and then Rollins sets for a sunset flip power bomb but Jericho counters with a back body drop.
Jericho hits a cross body and he gets a near fall. Rollins punches Jericho and he connects with a back heel kick. Rollins runs into an elbow and Jericho misses a Lionsault. Rollins with a BuckleBomb and then Rollins misses the Black Out. Jericho with a rollup for a near fall. Jericho tries to put Rollins in the Walls of Jericho but Rollins gets to the ropes. Jericho tries to pull Rollins away from the ropes but Rollins lands on his feet and Rollins with a drop kick.
Rollins goes for a springboard clothesline but Jericho counters with a Codebreaker.
The lights go out and The Wyatts are in the ring when the lights go up and Harper and Rowan attack Jericho while Wyatt watches.
Winner: Chris Jericho (by disqualification)
Wyatt gives Jericho Sister Abigail and then Wyatt kneels over Jericho and tells everyone to Follow the Buzzards.
Stephanie and her husband walk in the back as we get ready for our main event.
We are back and we are told that Chris Jericho will face Erick Rowan on Smackdown.
Stephanie McMahon comes to the ring and she is not accompanied by her husband.
Stephanie says that she stands before you a humbled woman. You don’t have to believe her, but getting arrested is a life altering experience. She is a principal owner of WWE and she represents four generations of McMahons. She represents this company and the sponsors. Now they cannot look at her in the eye without considering her a common criminal.
This has affected her personally as well. Her daughters cannot understand what it means to be in jail. They are teased at camp and they no longer have any play dats.
Brie walks to the ring and her music plays. She says that Stephanie invited here tonight and she wants Stephanie to get to the point or will she stand there like a whiny rich bitch.
Stephanie asks Brie to drop the charges.
Brie wants to know why would she do that.
Stephanie says that no one deserves this.
Brie tells Stephanie that she deserves to go to hell.
Stephanie says that she may have taken advantage of Brie’s sister. She will treat Nikki fair and professionally.
Brie tells Stephanie that she is being unprofessional.
Stephanie offers to give Nikki a raise.
Brie says that she has some demands. Brie says that she wants her job back.
Stephanie tells Brie she needs to be reasonable. She is giving Nikki a raise and one Bella is enough.
Brie tells Stephanie she will see her in court.
Stephanie asks if Brie will drop all charges if she gets her job back.
Stephanie agrees to the deal.
Brie says that there is one more thing she wants. She wants a match at SummerSlam.
Stephanie tells Brie she has a match. Is it for the Divas Championship? What about a Total Divas Spectacular.
Brie says that she wants a match against Stephanie.
Stephanie says that she hasn’t competed in more than ten years. She has dedicated her career to being a wife and a mom. She tells Brie to reconsider. She is giving Nikki a raise and she will give Brie any match that she wants.
Brie says that if she doesn’t get the match, she won’t drop the charges.
Stephanie tells Brie to stop. Stephanie says that she cannot wrestle and compete against Brie with all of the people chanting Yes. Stephanie refuses to do it. She will not lower herself to get into the ring again.
Brie tells Stephanie she will see her in court.
Stephanie reconsiders and she says that if she agrees to face Brie at SummerSlam, Brie will drop all charges.
Brie agrees to the condition.
Stephanie agrees to the match. Stephanie tells Brie that she needs to consider . . . (Stephanie slaps Brie off the apron)
She will make Brie her bitch.
Brie attacks Stephanie and the agents come to the ring to separate Brie and Stephanie. Brie with an elbow to Jamie Noble and she goes after Stephanie. Hunter pulls Stephanie out of the ring and away from the crazy Bella.

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