Thanksgiving Impact Wrestling Report

-After a video package reminding us of Ken Anderson beating Bully Ray last week, the show opens on a casket, complete with floral arrangement. Ken Anderson says in a voice over that tonight we say goodbye to the Aces & Eights. 

-Dixie Carter comes down to the ring to massive heat. She starts talking about hiring a personal assistant, but the crowd is chanting for AJ Styles. Dixie announces her new assistant, Rockstar Spud. Spud comes down to the ring and thanks Dixie for the opportunity, and puts her over to tons of boos and a "USA!" chant. He tells the roster that he's watching them. Dixie announces a big main event, with the winners getting a Thanksgiving feast, as the crowd keeps chanting for AJ Styles. 

-Ethan Carter III comes down to the ring and thanks Aunt D for flying in his opponent tonight from half way around the world. 

(1) Ethan Carter III vs. Curry Man

Looks like Curry Man is back on Impact Wrestling. I wouldn't expect this comeback tour to last very long. Curry Man lands a flurry of right hands and forearm chops, but Carter levels him from behind and starts to slowly pick apart his opponent. EC3 with a corner clothesline, followed by a back drop suplex. Curry gets a knee lift followed by a running shiver and a standing clothesline. He hits the flying hip attack and heads up to the top turnbuckle, but Carter recovers, tosses him to the floor, and turns him inside-out with a clothesline. The One-Percenter (front headlock driver) puts away Curry Man with ease. 

Decision: Ethan Carter III wins via pinfall

-Backstage, Kurt Angle tells Gunner his focus is on Bobby Roode. James Storm comes in and says he'll settle his problems with Gunner later. Kurt is fired up for Team Angle vs. Team Roode. 

(2) Velvet Sky vs. Lei'd Tapa

Velvet goes right after Tapa as soon as the bell rings, taking her down to one knee, but the much larger opponent over powers her. Tapa runs into the ropes and Velvet starts working over one of her knees, until Gail Kim (who is at ringside) trips her up. The referee tosses Gail from ringside, which the fans love, but Tapa continues to roll through Velvet regardless. Sky with a sit-down facebuster, but she runs into a huge big boot. Tapa with the TKO (fireman's carry stunner) for the 1-2-3. 

-Video package for TNA's One Night Only "World Cup" pay-per-view. 

-EY and ODB are out in the ring with turkey costumes. It appears we're going to have a tag team contest, and the losers will have to wear the suits. 

-Zema Ion is now the official BroMans DJ, doing their ring introductions and making random noises. Pretty effective heat-drawing gimmick, as it's really annoying. 

(3) The BroMans vs. Norv Fernum & Dewey Barnes

Robbie E gets on the mic and calls Norv Fernum a "hairless hamster". Jessie Godderz plays up the size difference between the two teams, before slapping Dewey in the face. The underdogs try to steal the win with stereo roll-ups, but the champions kick out. They hit the BroDown (the Hart Attack) quickly for the easy squash match. 

Decision: The BroMans win via pinball

-The BroMans make the losers put on turkey costumes. Fernum and Dewey put on the suits and dance around with EY and ODB, which the fans love. The tag team champions leave upset that the crowd likes them more. 

-Footage airs from AJ Styles title defense in Wrestle-1, brought to you by the "Friends of AJ". Dixie Carter throws a fit backstage, telling AJ that she's going to lawyer up, and she wants her world title back. 

-Team Roode is backstage pumping up his team for tonight's big main event match. 

-There's an "official" funeral ceremony for the passing of Aces & Eights, complete with a priest. Kurt Angle is there, laughing. Magnus is texting. EY and crying his eyes out, and Mike Tenay asks him what the hell he's crying about. Ken Anderson comes out of the coffin. This a pretty good comedy segment, with Samoa Joe eating from a meat and cheese plate sent over by "Bully Ray's ex-father-in-law." Kurt Angle gets up and makes fun of D-Lo Browns head shake, before putting his bobble head into the coffin. Joe, who is still eating, comes up and wants to put beer in the coffin, but decides it's too nice to waste, and they drink them instead. Mike Tenay lays to rest Taz's cut, and Brooke's booty shorts (he puts the shorts in his suit coat when nobody is looking). EY is up next, and he's got his turkey suit, which he puts in the coffin. Bully Ray walks into the chapel, and tells Ken Anderson to sleep with one eye open, for the interest of himself and his pregnant wife. He calls death "the final awakening" and walks off. 

-More Rockstar Spud shenanigans backstage. 

(4) Elimination Tag Team Match
Team Roode vs. Team Angle

Kurt Angle and Booby Roode lock up first, but Roode tags out to Kazarian, and Bad Influence double teams Angle until Magnus tags in and goes to work. Magnus catches Kazarian with a big dead-lift suplex, and he walks into the babyface corner to get clocked by all of Team Angle. James Storm tags in and goes to work on Christopher Daniels, and he and Gunner double team Bad Influence until the referee can get control of the match. Storm taks out Chris Sabin, then Daniels with an enzuigir and a backstabber, then hits Sabin with Closing Time. Kazarian gets involved, and gets nailed with the Last Call Superkick, but Sabin rolls up the Cowboy from behind for the 1-2-3. 

Chris Sabin eliminates James Storm

Magnus is in for the babyfaces and goes to work on Daniels, but gets caught with a knee in the corner. E.G.O. now with the triple team and the quick tags. Magnus fights back and hits a huge STO on Daniels, before making the hot tag to Gunner. Gunner catches Kaz in mid-air and hits a huge backbreaker. He locks in the Gun Rack submission, but Chris Sabin distracts the referee, letting Bad Influence go Hi-Lo on Gunner for the quick pin. 

Kazarian eliminates Gunner

Magnus is in for Team Angle, but it's now 4-on-2 and he falls to the Bad Influence double team. Magnus battles back, tossing Daniels to the floor. He hits a flying clothesline on Daniels, but grabs his knee and plays up an injury as Angle and the referee check on him. There's a commercial break, where trainers take Magnus to the back, so it's now 1-on-4 with Team Roode having a serious advantage. 

Injury eliminates Magnus

Kurt Angle does what he can and gets an inside cradle on Daniels, but the referee is distracted by all the heel antics on the apron, and misses the pin. Bad Influence with Hi-Lo on Angle, and in comes Bobby Roode who stacks up his opponent. Roode accidentally takes out Sabin, and Angle fires up with clotheslines and flying forearm shots. Belly-to-belly on Angle, followed by one on Sabin. One German, two Germans, and three Germans find their mark on Roode, and Daniels comes in to receive a trio of his own. Kazarian is up next, so make that nine German suplexes in this sequence. The tenth suplex hits both members of Bad Influence, and Chris Sabin gets an Angle Slam for his trouble. 

Angle applies the Ankle Lock on both Kazarian and Daniels, but Bobby Roode brings a steal chair into the ring; Angle ducks under a chair shot and hits the Angle Slam. Kurt grabs the steel chair and realizes he's not going to win this match, so he attacks Roode with the chair instead. 

Kurt Angle eliminates Kurt Angle. 

Decision: Team Roode wins via disqualification

-After the main event, Kurt Angle hits Sabin in the face with the chair, and clears the ring of all the heels, standing tall all on his own. 

-Backstage, Team Roode celebrates their "victory" and Roode wants them to think about all the things they are thankful for. He says he's now beaten Kurt Angle for a third straight time, and he is unbeatable. 

-James Storm wants to know what's going on with Gunner, as he threw in the towel last week, and now they lost to Team Roode. Gunner asks if they have a plan as a team, or if it's just the James Storm Show, and walks away. Storm says nobody dictates his future, especially Gunner. 

-Next week it's going to be Jeff Hardy vs. Bully Ray in a Tables Match, and Magnus vs. Kurt Angle in a Last Man Standing Match as the semi-final round matches in the TNA world title tournament. 

-Rockstar Spud comes out and brings down all the winners of tonight's show, which includes Bad Influence, Bobby Roode, Chris Sabin, Lei'd Tapa, Gail Kim, the BroMans and Zema Ion. Velvet Sky comes down with Sabin. They all sit around a table with a ton of food at it. Roode tells Velvet Sky that she has to leave, because she didn't win anything tonight, and Sabin makes her leave. Zema gets to stay, because he's awesome. 

-Roode kicks off the ass-kissing by thanking Dixie Carter for their careers, and for Thanksgiving dinner. Daniels says he's thankful for being well-endowed. Kazarian says he's thankful that Joseph Park isn't here, and that he gets to spend tonight with E.G.O. Gail Kim thanks Lei'd Tapa, and that she's the most dominant TNA Knockout in the history of the company. Sabin is up next, and is thankful for the beautiful …. luxurious … hair that is on his head. No Velvet. And for the X-Division title, and Velvet gets an afterthought. The BroMans thank Phil Heath, their new DJ Zema Ion, and that they didn't have to wear turkey suits. 

-Kurt Angle has decided he's had enough of Roode talking about himself, and says he sees a ring full of turkeys, not winners. He says they all cheated to win tonight, so none of them will get to enjoy the fruits of their labor. Roode challenges him to get in the ring, and Angle says he's brought along a few friends to even the odds. Out comes James Storm, Gunner, Dewey & Norv (still wearing the turkey suits), Velvet Sky, ODB and EY. This leads to a massive brawl and food fight. Velvet smashes pie all over Gail Kim, as ODB takes out Lei'd Tapa with a steel chair. EY starts attacking people with a turkey (to a big "TNA" chant), and finishers start flying all over the place. Norv and Dewey hit "Flying Turkeys" across the ring on the tag champs. The babyfaces all celebrate with a case of beer to end Impact Wrestling and Thanksgiving Night.