WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH
The New Day (c) vs. Los Matadores vs. Prime Time Players vs. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd vs. The Lucha Dragons vs. The Ascension
All three members of The New Day are locked inside a pod. El Torito is standing on top of Los Matadores’ pod. It will be the old NXT rivals – Lucha Dragons and The Ascension – kicking off this massive thirteen (and a bull) Superstar match. Kalisto tries to fly off the top of one of the pods, but he’s pulled down into the mesh by the champs and the Ascension beat down on Sin Cara for a few minutes.
Tyson Kidd and Cesaro are the first people released. Kalisto almost gets free, but Cesaro hits him with a springboard uppercut, then super-duper-plexes him from the top of the pod down to the mat! The Ascension continues their beatdown on everyone.
Los Matadores are up next, and El Torito comes off their pod with a headscissors takedown on Cesaro. Out of nowhere, Kalisto has crawled and climbed to the very top of the cage and drops down on the entire pile, taking everyone out. Torito does the same climb, but dives right into The Ascension, and gets thrown like a dart into the Lucha Dragons. They hit the Fall of Man on Diego. Los Matadores have been eliminated. Kalisto takes the Fall of Man. The Lucha Dragons have been eliminated.
It’s the Prime Time Players who are out next, which means the champs will be last. Big Titus takes it to the Ascension, throwing him into the cage a half a dozen times. Darren Young hits his gutbuster finisher on Viktor. The Ascension have been eliminated. Cesaro and Titus get into a big man exchange, which ends with a huge lariat. Young perches on the top rope, but Cesaro catches him with about eight feet of air with a dropkick. They do a Tower of Doom spot where both remaining teams crash and burn.
Finally, it’s all three members of The New Day to hit the ring, basically picking the bones of the scraps left in the ring. They try for a triple suplex and it turns into all four of the not-champions suplexing all three of the champions in a ridiculous spot. Kidd throws Kingston and Woods through a pod. Cesaro sets up for the big swing on Titus, but is caught from behind with a roll-up. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd have been eliminated.
The crowd is pretty much dead. They were dead the entire match, but they’re not especially dead now that Cesaro is gone. New Day use their numbers advantage, until D-Young fires up and takes them all out. Big E goes crashing into a pod. Titus is back to his feet, beating the hell out of everyone. He and Big E start throwing each other into the cage. Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise but Titus catches him and slingshots him into the cage a few times, then runs through E with a big clothesline. Kofi flies off the top rope into the Gutbuster, but he ends up grabbing the bottom rope. New Day triple teams Titus, drops him with Trouble in Paradise, then dogpile on him to pick up the win. Prime Time Players have been eliminated.
WINNERS: The New Day
Dolph Ziggler is working out backstage in a black leather jacket with some metal studs – very Black Parade. Lana approaches and tells him the I.C. title would look great on him, and asks him to be careful in tonight’s Chamber match.
WWE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Nikki Bella (c) vs. Paige vs. Naomi
Naomi bails to the floor early on and waits for her opportunity, eventually slamming Paige into the announce table. Paige comes back and starts throwing kicks everywhere. Bella with the Alabama slam to Paige, but she gets rolled up from behind for a nearfall. Nikki missing wildly with a kick off the second rope. Tower of Doom spot with Nikki powerbombing Naomi, who suplexed Paige. Two-counts on both of them. She looks for the Rack Attack, but Naomi hits her with the Rear View for two-and-a-half. Paige back in to lock in the PTO, but Naomi recovers to break it up. No rest for anyone at this point. Naomi with a badly botched reverse frankensteiner on Paige, but she turns around into the Rack Attack for the 1-2-3.
WINNER: Nikki Bella
JOHN CENA vs. KEVIN OWENS
Cena catches him with a shoulder tackle early on, and John shows a bit of cockiness. He hits the spin-out slam but is caught with a full-on assault from the NXT Champion, who beats him down in the ropes and goes on the attack. Owens now sets in to his slow, methodical pace of beating down his opponent. Cena with a brief glimmer, powering out of a headlock and going for the AA, but Owens plants him with a stiff DDT to end that.
The slow assault continues, with the referee threatening to DQ him several times. Cena comes back and they trade punches, then tries for his usual shoulder tackles, but Kev has it scouted and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl crucifix slam. Owens with a cannonball into the corner for two. He looks for the pop-up powerbomb but Cena jumps over and finally does his shoulder tackles, followed by the spin-out slam and the Five Knuckle Shuffle. AA attempt is countered into the ropes, and Owens hits the pop-up powerbomb! 1…2…kickout!
Owens heads up to the top rope, but is crotched by the U.S. champion. They fight up the ropes and Owens delivers a series of headbutts to knock him down. He does a transition springboard moonsault but Cena moves out of the way and hits him with the AA! 1…2…kickout!
Both men slowly recover and get to their feet, trading big shots – SUPERKICK out of nowhere! Owens gets cocky and does the “you can’t see me gesture”, then tries for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena counters and locks in the STF, but Owens powers out of it and hits the Attitude Adjustment! 1…2…kickout!
Both champions are barely in this thing at this point. They brawl into the corner and John hits a tilt-a-whirl DDT for two. He heads up the ropes and connects with the diving leg drop, but again only gets two. He tries for the AA but Owens scoops him up for the Package Piledriver – I think my heart just stopped – but then transitions it into a sideslam…for two. Owens is now pissed off, and is slowly punching away at Cena while screaming in his face. Out of nowhere, John with the springboard stunner…for two.
Slowly they fight to the top rope. Slowly the trade rights and lefts. Owens hoists him up…and connects with a brainbuster from the top! He immediately heads back up and hits the swanton bomb! 1…2………KICKOUT!
Cena with a massive lariat out of nowhere to take the NXT champ down. He starts stalking the big man now, coming off the ropes – POP-UP POWERBOMB! 1…2…THREE!
WINNER: KEVIN OWENS!!!
Owens grabs a microphone. He says two weeks ago everyone that didn’t know him said he wasn’t worth their time, but now everyone in the world knows the name Kevin Owens. He says he’s the man that started a fight with 15-time world champion John Cena, and finished that fight. Owens says now that he’s won he has some “veteran advice”… “John, it’s time for you to leave. Because your time is up, and my time is now. THE CHAMP IS HERE!”
NEVILLE vs. BO DALLAS
Neville starts in control with high flying moves, but eats a dive to the floor early on. It’s basically all Bo Dallas throughout the match after that, building up heat. People are too busy talking about Cena vs. Owens on Twitter to be paying attention. Dallas with the obligatory heel beatdown and rest holds. Eventually… Eventually… Neville builds up steam and breaks a headlock, delivering a big running dropkick to the face. He follows up with several more dropkicks, and stiff kicks to the body. Bo with a snap DDT out of nowhere for two. He tries for the Running Bo-Dog but is caught with a big enzuigiri. Neville to the top rope with the Red Arrow for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Neville
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH
Mark Henry vs. Sheamus vs. King Barrett vs. R-Truth vs. Ryback vs. Dolph Ziggler
Daniel Bryan is sitting ringside with the Intercontinental Championship. It will be King Barrett and Dolph Ziggler to start things off. It’s Barrett pretty much the entire first few minutes of the match, with Dolph getting almost no offense.
R-Truth is the first to come out, but Barrett goes after him inside his pod, throwing him into the cage and beating him down. The beatdown on Ziggler continues. After several minutes of assault, Barrett throws Dolph head-first into Mark Henry’s pod, breaking the “glass”. The big man looks around as the fans cheer him on, and he gets in the ring beating down on King Barrett.
Ryback is next up to enter. Although technically there’s only one man still to be released, as the referee tries to get Henry to get back in his cage, but eventually just gives up. It’s an all-out brawl between Ryback and Sheamus and Barrett while the two smaller guys take a breather. Barrett puts on his red elbow bad and lines up for the Bull Hammer on Henry, but runs into a superkick from Dolph, and the Lie Detector from Truth. King Barrett has been eliminated.
Here comes Sheamus. Wait…the pull the ole “my door won’t open” trick. No Sheamus. False alarm. Ryback with the Shellshock. R-Truth has been eliminated. While Ryback beats down on Henry and Ziggler, Sheamus and the referees are working on his door. I kid you not – Sheamus uses his cross necklace to “pick the lock” and let himself out. Are you not entertained!?
HERE COMES SHEAMUS! (I think he actually used the necklace to make sure he COULDN’T get out of the pod, and stay alive longer, but they did an AWFUL job showing it, and the babyface announcers totally missed the call.) Henry goes after him and the two big men brawl around, but Sheamus catches him with the Brogue Kick. Mark Henry has been eliminated. Sheamus and Ryback taking turns beating down Ziggler. Dolph with a superkick on Ryback and the Fameasser on Ryback, but he runs into the Brogue Kick. Dolph Ziggler has been eliminated.
It’s down to Sheamus and Ryback, so the crowd kind of picks the better of two evils and a few dozen of them chant “feed me more!” The building is dead. Sheamus hits a few clubbing blows and they pan over to Daniel Bryan at ringside, looking bored. Ryback comes back with some shoulder tackles. He tries for his finisher on the metal floor, but Sheamus counters into White Noise. He lines up for the Brogue, by Ryback catches him in the air and slams him against the cage, then powerbombs him into the ring. Shellshock connects! 1…2…3!
WINNER: RYBACK
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Seth Rollins (c) vs. Dean Ambrose
J&J Security and Kane are ringside. Ambrose with a series of armdrags to start this one off. The beatdown continues as Ambrose fires away with rights and lefts, but eventually Seth attacks him from behind and goes to town in the ropes. The heel beatdown continues for several minutes, with the Authority goons causing a distraction every time Dean builds up a bit of momentum.
After several minutes Ambrose finally gets back into it and they trade pinning combinations for nearfalls. The action spills to the outside, and Dean goes flying over the announce tables to take down the champion. They head back into the ring and Rollins tries for a backslide but the ref catches him using the ropes. Ambrose blasts J&J but turns around into a superkick for two.
Rollins with a dropkick, and he continues his beatdown, unable to pick up a three-count off anything. Seth rolls him to the floor and powerbombs him into the barricade, rolls him back into the ring but Dean kicks out. Rollins bullies him in the corner, pie-facing him several times and mocking him about the SHIELD never being about him. Ambrose comes back with a tilt-a-whirl DDT out of the corner for a nearfall. He climbs the ropes and comes off with a diving elbow drop for another nearfall.
More distraction from J&J cause Ambrose to turn around into a kick. He tries for the rebound clothesline but Seth has it countered and takes him to the floor, followed by a suicida. The champ throws him back into the ring but runs into a lariat that turns him inside-out. Dean climbs the ropes, but decides to launch himself into the Authority instead, taking everyone down. He heads back up and tries for the elbow again, but Rollins pulls the referee in front of him and we got a zebra down.
Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds, but the ref is down. Another ref runs down! 1…2…3! NEW CHAMPION!
….wait for it…
The second referee talks to Lillian Garcia, who makes the announcement. The winner by disqualification is Dean Ambrose. Seth Rollins is still the champion. WHY THE **** DID HE MAKE THE COUNT THEN!?
WINNER: Seth Rollins
-The Authority goes on the attack, but Roman Reigns makes the save and hits Rollins with the Superman Punch. The babyfaces clear the ring and Ambrose has the WWE title around his shoulder. He grabs a microphone and says he is taking the WWE title with him, then tells Reigns he’ll buy the beer.
